What's going on my beautiful people?
Certified-Life and Relationship Coach Court here.
In this blog, I'm going to give you five signs that you've healed from a break up Thank you for reading. Please do me a favor and subscribe to my youtube channel by clicking the subscribe button and ringing a bell so you know 5 foot in Wisconsin. If you want my help personally, please reach out to me on my website and book an email consult or a one on one session.
Today, I'm going to give you five signs that you have healed from a break up. How do you process in healing? It's very messy, it's very long, or sometimes short. This of course is depending on your level of comprehension, and on how you've shown up in a relationship. What do you understand about relationships and understand about healthy functioning relationships? Not everyone will come into a relationship with an understanding of what it takes to keep the relationship lasting for a long time.
When you're going through a break up, the person who is willing to make it work the most, the one who is more invested, and then you have other ones that are struggling the most after it's done.
Let's dive deeper. I'm going to share with you five ways to tell that you're turning a corner. Signs you are starting to heal from this person.
These are not in any particular order, but I can tell you that the very last sign is going to be the one that's going to be the biggest. Read this blog until the end to check out that one. Our very first one is: you stop blaming yourself! The very first thing people do when you're going through a break up, for example say that they're getting gaslighted by a person. This person would tell them everything that they've done wrong. They take a new accountability for the things they've done, so naturally what a person does is they take the brunt of all the problems that were going on in a relationship. If you guys are familiar with the five stages of grief or five stages you go through, these are in particular are anger, then there's bargaining, depression and there's finally that acceptance stage.
Sometimes, you will go between all of those stages within one day. Now, put a person who is struggling after a break up, taking all the accountability for the break up happening. Now when you get yourself to healed state, you start to reflect on what that person did. You reflect on some of the stories that they were saying, and some of the ways that they were showing up. You realize now, that it takes two to tango. It takes two people in a relationship. Relationships are not a one-sided deal. You know you had some issues. You've made some mistakes, too. When you get to that point in your healing. When you finally feel like, "All right, I'm tuned in, I'm starting to hurt a little less. I'm starting to sleep better at night." That's right when you realize that, "It wasn't all me. If this person wanted to make this thing work, where they would've not only bring these things to the table before. Also, tried to help make me a better person. I was trying to make them a better person. When I had an issue I tried speaking to them about it, just so they could become the best person, and the best version that they could be in a relationship."
The second thing is you can date again. As I said, this isn't in any particular order. I talk to many clients that can't even fathom talking to someone else. "I can't think about somebody, being close to somebody or sharing holidays with somebody." I know some people do it in a healthy way. They sign right up. I kind of kind of tell people steer clear of dating apps because there's a lot of people on these platforms today, if they are healed they're not at the stage. They're in the healing process where they can actually be present. They do not do comparisons, and don't feel as if they're trying to fill a void. When you get yourself to the stage where you can date again, you can see people objectively. You can see the positives and not be so leery. You won't have your walls up about the negatives that your ex had. That's when you know that you're starting to turn a corner!
The third way, you know. You're not easily triggered anymore. You can be at the coffee shop, you can even get a message from your ex and you won't be triggered. You won't be triggered meaning: you won't be emotionally unstable again. When you're overly texting them again or starting to text their mom again, just trying to stalk their social media again. If you are at the stage where you're emotionally centered, you may be seeing someone or you may be moving on mentally. That's a really good sign that you're on the right path to healing. Whatever you're doing, continue to do that. Maybe 10 months before you're able to focus again. This is normal. I talk about, you can be somebody can focus right away after a break up but for a majority of people this can be really hard.
The majority of the men that I coach, reach out to me for coaching sessions because they're struggling. They're unproductive at work, they can't stop thinking about this person, they're not able to enjoy their hobbies. Maybe it's watching hockey matches or soccer matches, and they're not able to focus on the match because they're thinking about how the girlfriend or ex used to watch this thing together. They share some memories around that particular sport, so they really struggle. Creators aren't able to create because they can't focus. They get writers block or the creative mind is blocked because they just can't focus on their work. Once you're able to get back to focusing, you know you're heading in the right direction.
Thank you for reading this far. Here is the final sign!
The very last sign, that I feel is the most important, is that you've stopped obsessing about relationship videos. When ever people reach out to me and say "You know what, I just want clarity. I just want to be able to move on from this. Now, I just want to know if should I cut ties and move completely on? Our divorce orders are signed. Can you tell me if this person is no longer interested in me? I don't wanna waste time." I, myself, used to binge watch and dive deep into videos, blogs, content about attachment styles about "How to get your ex back", "Rebounds", all of it. I joke too, as I know sometimes I feel like I'm a time consultant because one of the best gifts, be it, the greatest gift you can give anyone is your time. It's really easy to get caught up in this wormhole. In this rabbit hole of break up videos for long periods of time. I've known some guys to go two years- five years, where they will get into other little situations/relationships and still not able to get over their ex. Their exes will be with somebody else and they are just waiting for the relationship to fall apart. They'll get into these other 'time killing' relationships when they're not really healed from that other person.
You need to take your healing seriously. You have to understand if a person decides to walk away from your life... Yes, I know people are going to say that's their soulmate out there, but if they were your soulmate they'd be here, with you now. Right?
Ok guys, that is absolutely all I got for you guys right now. Be sure to check out the videos on my YouTube channel. If you want to talk about rebounds, relationships, attachment styles, getting exes back and having healthier, fulfilling relationships, or if found this blog of any value, please like, comment and share!
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Thank you guys, I'll talk to you soon!