By Coach Court – Certified Life & Relationship Coach
Watch the full video version here:
In this video, I break down the five signs that staying with an avoidant partner is harming your well-being, and how to reclaim your peace.
1. They Refuse to Communicate
One of the most common patterns with avoidant partners is a refusal to engage in open, consistent communication.
For anxious attachers, communication feels like breathing...it’s how they connect, problem-solve, and feel secure. Without it, they feel emotionally suffocated.
When an avoidant refuses to talk through problems, share feelings, or address issues, it can lead to stonewalling...one of the “Four Horsemen” of relationship breakdown identified by Dr. John Gottman.
If you’re the only one trying to resolve problems, while your partner avoids every tough conversation, you’re in a dynamic that’s choking the oxygen out of the relationship.
Ask yourself:
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Are they willing to learn and grow in communication?
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Or are you constantly hitting a wall?
If the answer is the latter, it may be time to move on.
2. You Feel Like You’re Always Chasing Them
There’s a difference between pursuing someone and chasing them.
In a healthy pursuit, there’s mutual interest and energy being returned.
In a chase, you’re sprinting while they’re running away.
Common signs of chasing include:
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You’re always the one to initiate texts, calls, or plans.
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You send multiple follow-up messages with no response.
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You feel anxious when they don’t reply quickly.
If you’re the only one moving the relationship forward, you’re creating an imbalance. Healthy connection requires reciprocity, not desperation.
3. They’re Unwilling to Compromise
Strong relationships are built on give and take.
Avoidant partners often resist compromise because it requires vulnerability and sharing control.
They may make temporary changes to get you back into a comfort zone, but revert to old habits once things feel safe again.
If you’ve voiced the same concern multiple times and their adjustments never last, you have to ask:
Am I in a one-sided relationship where my needs aren’t valued?
Without a willingness to meet in the middle, the relationship becomes unbalanced and emotionally draining.
4. You’re Losing Yourself in the Relationship
If you have an anxious attachment style, it’s common to over-adapt to your partner—taking on their hobbies, prioritizing their needs over yours, and slowly letting go of your own identity.
While it’s natural to share interests, losing yourself is dangerous.
Not only can it lead to resentment on your part, but avoidants often feel smothered when they sense you’ve given up your individuality for them.
A healthy relationship allows both people to maintain their sense of self while still building connection.
5. They Show No Desire to Change
Change takes willingness.
If your avoidant partner isn’t open to therapy, reading relationship books like Attached or Wired for Love, or making adjustments to meet you halfway, that’s a red flag.
Some avoidants may initially agree to work on the relationship, but once discomfort sets in, they retreat back to old habits. Without adaptability, the cycle repeats...and you remain stuck.
The Bottom Line
The five signs are:
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They refuse to communicate.
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You feel like you’re always chasing them.
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They’re unwilling to compromise.
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You’re losing yourself in the relationship.
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They show no desire to change.
If you’re seeing these patterns consistently, it’s not just a rough patch—it’s a relationship that’s keeping you from thriving.
Ready to Break the Cycle?
You don’t have to keep waiting for them to change.
If you’re stuck in a push-pull dynamic with an avoidant partner, I can help you understand their behavior, reclaim your confidence, and rebuild a healthy sense of self.
Book a coaching session: Schedule with Coach Court
Follow on Instagram: Iamcoachcourt
Watch on YouTube: Coach Court
When you go be love, you’ll never have to find it.
— Coach Court
Q: How do I know when to walk away from an avoidant partner?
A: If they refuse to communicate, make you feel like you’re always chasing them, resist compromise, cause you to lose yourself, and show no desire to change, it’s time to prioritize your emotional health and consider moving on.
Q: Do avoidant partners ever change?
A: Some can change with self-awareness, therapy, and consistent effort, but if you’ve given time and seen no real change, it’s best to focus on your own healing.
Q: What’s the difference between pursuing and chasing in a relationship?
A: Pursuing is mutual and respectful; chasing happens when you’re putting in all the effort while they withdraw, leaving you emotionally drained.