You don’t chase them back. You become someone they feel safe returning to.

A Client's Story: From Heartbroken to Healing

“So much has happened since you and I talked. To cut the long story short—we’re talking again. He came out of his cave and is chasing after me again. I managed to gain my strength back and I don’t feel like I’m being needy anymore. I’ve been reading books, improving myself, and binge-watching your videos on YouTube.”

That message came from a former client who followed this exact strategy. She didn’t beg. She didn’t chase. She healed—and he noticed.

Here’s how she did it.

Step 1: Give Them Space (Even When It Feels Wrong)

Dismissive avoidants deactivate when they feel emotional pressure or intensity. The biggest mistake anxious partners make? Trying to move closer when they sense distance.

This triggers the avoidant—and often leads to more silence, not connection.

This is what I call The Illusion of Action: when you're so triggered by fear and loss that you feel like you have to do something to make it stop. But this urgency only pushes them further away.

Instead, pause. Let them have the space they’re silently asking for.

📍 Want to break this cycle for good?
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Step 2: Heal Yourself (Not Just to Get Them Back)

Once you’ve created space, it’s time to turn inward—not to manipulate them back, but to become emotionally grounded.

Ask yourself:

• Why am I chasing someone who pushes me away?

• Where did I learn that love feels anxious?

• What would it look like to feel calm and safe—even alone?

You don’t do this to win them back. You do this so you stop abandoning yourself in love.

Step 3: Re-Engage Gently (Only If You’re Ready)

If your ex pulled away—but didn’t make a hard break—you may consider reaching out once you're emotionally stable.

Keep it:

• Light and humorous

• Free of guilt or pressure

• Focused on reconnection, not fixing the past

Avoidants are like turtles. If you overwhelm them when they peek out, they’ll go deeper into their shell. Your job isn’t to drag them out—it’s to let them feel safe coming toward you.

Step 4: Meet In Person—But Don’t Rush It

Once you’ve re-engaged and the communication feels safe, ask to reconnect in person.

Chemistry happens in real life—not in texts.

But be careful:

• Don’t ask for a relationship talk

• Don’t expect them to “pick up where you left off”

• Don’t assume past time = present commitment

You get no brownie points for your history together. The courtship starts over.

💬 Need help with your specific situation?
Book a 30-Minute Coaching Session with Coach Court
Let’s build a re-attraction plan that protects your peace first.

Final Thought

Yes, it’s possible to re-attract a dismissive avoidant partner. But the real goal isn’t to win them back—it’s to win you back.

Heal your anxious triggers. Stop over-functioning. Show up calm, playful, grounded. That’s what re-attraction actually looks like.

You don’t chase. You embody.