Narcissist or Avoidant?

Is this person a narcissist or do they have a certain type of attachment style? This is the number one question that I get from people that I coach and I always throw it right back at them. I'll ask, does that really matter? 

The only questions that should matter are these three things: 

  1. Do I feel emotionally safe in this relationship?
  2. Are my needs being met in this relationship?
  3. Is this person willing to change the things that I feel concerned about?

Other than that, the pathology and attachment styles aren't really a concern, but I think the reasons that people ask this is because they want to know that they actually were loved, or they want to keep the hope alive that the person that they met in the beginning of the relationship is going to return.