If you’ve ever been in a relationship with a dismissive avoidant partner, you know how hard it can be to tell if they truly care. Avoidants often operate from subconscious patterns—many of which they don’t even realize they’re doing. In fact, psychologists estimate 95% of our daily behaviors are driven by the subconscious mind, so much of what you see in an avoidant partner isn’t personal—it’s deeply ingrained.
This guide will break down five clear signs a dismissive avoidant actually cares for you, based on my years of relationship coaching and studying attachment theory.
Watch the Video
If you’ve ever dated someone with a dismissive avoidant attachment style, you know how confusing their signals can be.
They may pull away, go silent, or seem emotionally unavailable—yet still have deep feelings for you.
Today, I’m revisiting one of the most popular videos I’ve ever made: Five Signs That a Dismissive Avoidant Actually Cares.
This isn’t about giving false hope or excusing unhealthy behavior.
It’s about helping you recognize genuine effort from an avoidant partner while keeping your own emotional well-being front and center.
1. They Make Time for You
When a dismissive avoidant prioritizes you in their daily or weekly schedule, it’s a big deal.
Early in the relationship, they may seem eager for connection—what I call a “healthy appetite” for time together.
But once their needs feel met, they often pull back to protect their autonomy.
Tip: Address changes in time spent together while you’re calm and self-regulated.
Don’t wait until you’re in a triggered, anxious state to bring it up.
2. They Offer You Their Space
Inviting you to stay the night or move in is a major step for an avoidant.
Physical proximity doesn’t always mean emotional availability, so you’ll need to clarify:
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What does “quality time” mean to each of you?
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How much alone time do they need to recharge?
If both partners can define and respect these needs, this can be a sign of growing vulnerability.
3. They Share Their Resources
Many dismissive avoidants grew up in environments where they had to guard their resources—whether money, time, or emotional energy.
When they begin to treat you as part of a “we” instead of just “me,” it’s a positive sign.
Recommended Resource: Wired for Love by Stan Tatkin explains how partners can shift from “I vs. You” to “We.”
4. They Apologize and Take Accountability
Apologizing can be uncomfortable for an avoidant, especially if they grew up as a scapegoat in their family.
But when they start acknowledging your feelings and showing empathy, it means they’re willing to risk vulnerability for the relationship.
5. They Follow Up After an Argument
Conflict resolution is not a natural skill for many avoidants.
In childhood, tough conversations were often avoided or swept under the rug.
So when they circle back after a disagreement to talk things through, it shows growth and genuine care.
Final Thoughts
A dismissive avoidant partner showing these signs may be trying to build a healthier connection—but that doesn’t mean you should ignore your own needs.
If your mental health is declining in the relationship, it’s okay to walk away.
Remember: You can love someone and still choose yourself.
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Frequently Asked Questions About Dismissive Avoidants
Q1: How do you know if a dismissive avoidant cares about you?
They may not always express feelings verbally, but giving time, sharing space, offering resources, apologizing, and following up after disagreements are strong indicators.
Q2: Why do dismissive avoidants pull away after getting close?
Often due to an “emotional hangover.” After closeness, they need to reset their autonomy—it’s not always about rejection.
Q3: Can a dismissive avoidant change and become more secure?
Yes, with self-awareness, therapy or coaching, and a safe emotional environment.
Q4: Is it healthy to stay with a dismissive avoidant?
It can be if both partners set boundaries and communicate openly. But if it’s harming your mental health, reevaluate the relationship.
Q5: What’s the difference between a dismissive avoidant and someone who’s just not interested?
A dismissive avoidant may still care deeply but struggles with intimacy. Someone uninterested won’t invest consistently.