By Coach Court – Certified Life & Relationship Coach
Before We Begin – A Realistic Disclaimer
This is not about manipulation or ignoring your own needs to win someone back.
It’s about creating the best conditions for a healthy reconnection if you and your avoidant ex are truly a good fit.If your relationship was unhealthy, one-sided, or left you feeling drained, your priority should be healing—not chasing.
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In this video, I share the most effective strategy to reattract a dismissive avoidant ex—how to give space, grow yourself, and reconnect in a safe, playful way.
Understanding the Dismissive Avoidant Mindset
A dismissive avoidant values independence and self-protection.
When they feel pressured, they withdraw—sometimes for long stretches.
This isn’t necessarily about not caring; it’s about preserving their sense of safety.
To reattract them, you need to work with their attachment style instead of against it.
1. Give Them the Space They’re Asking For
For people with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style, pulling back feels wrong.
When you’re triggered, leaning in feels safer. But for avoidants, it signals danger.
Why space works:
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It reduces their sense of being trapped.
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It allows them to miss you without defensiveness.
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It signals self-confidence and emotional control.
Think of it as giving the relationship room to breathe.
2. Shift the Focus Back to Yourself
While giving them space, make your own growth the priority.
Ask yourself:
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Why do I feel the need to chase?
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What patterns keep me in unbalanced relationships?
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How can I become more secure and less reactive?
Ways to grow:
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Read relationship psychology books (Attached, Wired for Love)
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Journal about your triggers and patterns
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Reconnect with hobbies, friendships, and self-care routines
3. Choose the Right Time to Re-Engage
Timing is critical—and it depends on how things ended.
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If they simply pulled back:
Wait until you’re emotionally steady, then re-engage. -
If they broke up with you:
Give them a couple of months.
Let them go through their relief phase and start seeing your value again without pressure.
4. Make First Contact Safe and Playful
When you do reach out, avoid heavy emotional conversations.
Lead with lightness, humor, and empathy.
What to avoid:
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Pressuring them to “define the relationship”
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Guilt-tripping them for pulling away
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Overexplaining your feelings too soon
Imagine coaxing a turtle out of its shell: push too hard, and they retreat.
5. Reconnect Face-to-Face Before Talking About “Us”
Texts and social media are fine for breaking the ice—but real reconnection happens in person.
When you meet:
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Keep it fun and relaxed
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Focus on shared experiences
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Avoid discussing reconciliation on the first meet-up
This lets them rediscover why they were drawn to you in the first place.
6. Start Fresh – No Relationship “Brownie Points”
Past history doesn’t earn you a shortcut.
The courtship process starts over—attraction, trust, and connection need to be rebuilt naturally.
If you rush it, you’ll trigger their defenses again.
Final Thoughts
Reattracting a dismissive avoidant isn’t about chasing or convincing—it’s about resetting the dynamic:
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Give them space.
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Work on yourself.
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Re-engage with patience, empathy, and playfulness.
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Let the connection grow without pressure.
When approached this way, you create the safest conditions for them to want to reconnect—while keeping your own self-respect intact.
Need Help With Your Situation?
Book a coaching session: Schedule with Coach Court
Follow on Instagram: Iamcoachcourt
Watch on YouTube: Coach Court
When you go be love, you’ll never have to find it. — Coach Court
Q: How do you reattract a dismissive avoidant ex?
A: Give them space, focus on self-growth, and re-engage in a light, empathetic way without pressure.
Q: How long should you wait before reaching out to an avoidant ex?
A: If they just pulled back, wait until you’re emotionally balanced. If they broke up with you, give it a couple of months before re-engaging.
Q: What’s the best first message to a dismissive avoidant ex?
A: Keep it light, humorous, and pressure-free. Avoid heavy talks—focus on creating a safe space for reconnection.