I know many of my subscribers will be frustrated with this video, but I'm going to be honest with you guys, a lot of people wait for their exes to come back after they’ve gotten into a new relationship with someone else. I know what people in my comment section will say ‘never take an X back’, ‘an X is an ex for a reason’ and ‘if an X comes back, it's only to finish you off’. However, if you’ve watched enough of my content, you know I don't do that black and white thinking, there are gray areas. So when someone comes to me with an issue, I have to really analyze if this relationship will be a safe and healthy relationship to reenter.
So in today's video, I'm going to talk about if you can trust an ex after a rebound. I'm not going to argue with the comment section, there is some validity there. It's a very dangerous game to play to take an X back, especially if they've left you for someone else.
I'm going to give you three things to look into if you're deciding to give this relationship another chance. So hold on naysayers, hold on people who have been very hurt, they're just trying to protect you. I've actually got a couple people in the comment section that I want to highlight. One person is a rebound-er, someone who's gotten into a rebound relationship with someone else. What this person says is: “My ex is so much better than my rebound. I feel like an idiot. I messed up bad. Now I'm reaping what I sewed.” I think this is the only energy you should be bringing if you're trying to reconcile. Don't come back to someone because you feel like you can't find anyone else. It has to be this energy right here, which is ‘I went out and I figured out that I don't want to be without this person, this person is a valuable person’. That's the energy that's going to stop them from straying again. That's going to be the energy to stop them from feeling like the grass is greener on the other side. I don't know if it'll stick, but it's a great start if you even decide to give this relationship another chance. There's another person that said: “I was a rebound and also got replaced by another rebound”. So that should tell you that this could be a very dangerous thing to do. This is something that could be a pattern of this person, which is going to segue me into the three things that you need to look into.
Look into the patterns of this person. If this person has a history of going from person to person, this person doesn't stick to relationships, they always find flaws, they always feel like they can do better, then you definitely don't want to give this person another chance, because you could just be the ’layover flight’ for them to try to find someone else. So if you've already had your turn with them, if you guys already have experienced that relationship bliss and they come back around after they've explored another relationship, then you may want to just put them in like a ‘friends with benefits/just a friend’, but also I'm going to ask you this question, did you do your thing in between? When you guys broke up, did you go out and explore other relationships? Did you do your thing, because if that's the case, then it'll actually be hypocritical for you to condemn them while you were doing your thing in between too. Another question would be why did you guys break up? If you broke up because you weren't meeting this person's needs, if this person was continuously complaining to you about certain things that you weren't fulfilling, then you almost have to put that on you too. Anyone that's considering taking this person back should only be taking them back because they're thinking ‘all right, I know I didn't show up, I wasn't on my “A” game, I wasn't someone that they felt like was completely willing to do what it takes to make this relationship thriving’. If you let them come back in the door simply because you feel like you can't find anyone else, then you'll be sleeping with one eye open, because this person will have the tendency to kind of take advantage of that. They'll find another flaw in their relationship. They'll start to feel like ‘all right, the same thing is happening as the last time, I don't think this is a relationship for me again’, and also, was this person already vetting someone. You guys know that monkey branching, I feel, is the worst type of rebound because they're actually having, if not a physical affair, an emotional affair with someone else, while they're still in a relationship with you. Monkey branching means that they're just waiting for the other person to be strong enough, supportive enough, being able to meet enough of their emotional and physical needs, before they break the relationship off with you. Essentially they're building attachment with them, while they're detaching from you.
The second thing I would think about when you're trying to figure out if you can trust this person again, is what are their relationship goals? If they have goals or aspirations of getting married or having kids, and they feel like you are best suited to be able to bring that part of their relationship goals to the table, then they may have a strong “why” as to why they want to be in this relationship again. You know when I was in college, I saw this all the time. People didn't really know what they wanted. They'll bounce from one relationship to the next relationship, and then they finally figure out what they really want, they finally figure themselves out. I think part of dating is trying to understand what it is that you really need and desire in a relationship. When I got married really young, I got married when I was like 25 or 26, I didn't know what I wanted. I'm being honest, I didn't know what I wanted in a partner, I didn't know what healthy relationships looked like. So if you're in a situation where this person's really young, they may have thought they wanted something else, went out, explored, and figured out that, ‘I didn't really want that’. Sometimes, it could be someone who came back 3, 4 years down the line. I'm going to be honest, when people come back 3, 4, 5 years down the line, I've actually seen those relationships work out really well. Not the relationship that broke up within the last 6 months to a year, and then they came back to you. It has to be a substantial amount of time, substantial amount of growth from that person in order to make this relationship work again and not only that, for you to be able to trust that they're choosing you for the right reasons.
Which leads me to the third thing. Do they have an insecure attachment, because if there's someone who's more of an anxious attacher this could be a pattern. They are looking for something outside of themselves, they're looking for healing outside of themselves, instead of turning Inward and understanding what they need to do to fulfill their own needs to make themselves feel secure. So if you're someone that is getting into a relationship with them and they don't really know what they want, they don't understand that it takes trials and tribulations to make healthy relationships work, then they're always going to be looking for something externally, and that goal post will always be moving. So if you're not showing up, let's say 6 months into the relationship again, they may be checking out and looking for something else. There could be other things going on there too such as undiagnosed mental health issues, maybe they're just someone who has ADHD, where they just can't sit still, they're always looking for some way to fill some type of void and we're not even going to get into narcissism. So when this person comes back around, and you're asking yourself the big question: Can I even trust this person again? They broke me before. They devastated me before and left me holding the bag. Will I be able to trust that they're here to stay this time around? Hopefully this video has given you a little bit of insight on not only the people that subscribe to my channels but also what type of energy the rebounder should be met with if they decide to come back through and you decide to give them another chance.
So if you found this video of any value, please like, comment and share. You can reach out to me on my other social media accounts: Instagram is [iamcoachcourt], Facebook is [coachcourt] and YouTube is [coachcourt]. Always remember, when you go be love, you'll never have to find it. Namaste.