Rebound Relationship: Does My Ex Love the Rebound Person?


In today's blog I'm going to answer the question, “do they love the rebound?” 

A big question that I get from my clients is if their ex loves their rebound. I know the only reason you're asking that question is because you're wondering if they still love you. The answer is yes, they do still love you. They do still have feelings for you, depending on how long the relationship was, but even if it wasn't for a substantial amount of time they are still going to have those memories. They will ruminate on those memories when they're not with you.

A lot of things need to be taken into account when it comes to dealing with their rebound person. If the rebound is somebody that they were just friends with beforehand, most likely they've had time to build a stronger bond and a stronger connection. If it's with somebody that they just met, chances are they won't love that person right away because it takes a little bit of time to get to know somebody. They'll be in that honeymoon phase and they may think that they love that person depending on their attachment style. Chances are it won't last because 80% to 90% of relationships that start from being the rebound will fail within 3 months. People that I've worked with in the past that were in one of these relationships, where it lasted longer than a year, ended up that their relationships turned into a toxic situation or turned into a codependent relationship.

One of the biggest factors in the rebound relationship that they're in is going to deal with attachment styles. I always take it back to attachment styles because I like to know how that person developed their way of loving somebody. If they have an anxious attachment style, right away they'll think that they love that person. They'll think that the person is the one that they've been missing. They may have really deep, intense feelings for them, but after that three to four month mark they'll start to see who that person is. The mask will come off, and they'll be thinking about you, because it takes a really long time for somebody to build a true bond with somebody else. For the anxious preoccupied type, they're very committed to the person that they're with. It's almost an unhealthy level of commitment, but it'll be a hard task for them to disconnect from you right away. 

For the avoidant type, they will really bounce from short-lived to short-lived relationships because they don't like that closeness. They don't crave it and they don't need it. When people get really close to them that's when they'll start to distance themselves. If that rebound is an anxious attacher that gets too close to the avoidant, most likely their relationship is going to end even before the three months. This is because when they're coming out of a relationship with you, and it was very close, they're gonna need some time to find themselves again and gain their independence back.

When I have clients that reach out to me and they know that their ex is an avoidant type, the biggest question they have is if they should reach out. I always tell them that if it's been a significant amount of time (three/four months), and the avoidant has been able to process those feelings and those emotions, then I would say reach out. It's a good time to reach out to them because they won't initiate, so it's a good idea for you to reach out if you're the anxious one. 

The secure attachers are the ones that you probably won't even see get into a rebound relationship because they understand what it takes to get themselves back to feeling well and how to recover from the break-up.

So what can you do about it? Whether you know your ex loves the rebound person or not, control your emotions and feelings. The one thing that you have control over in your life isn't your spouse, and isn't your ex; it's you, your mental health, and the way that you view things. So the one thing you can do is stop obsessing over your ex and stop obsessing over whether they're with that person or not. That's not going to help you, it's going to make things worse. Focus on trying to be the best person you can be. Focus on healing yourself and finding your purpose.