In today's blog I'm going to be talking to you about your ex's rebound relationship and whether or not they'll come back to you. This discussion was thought up kind of overnight because I started getting more comments, from men mainly, about their ex girlfriends being in rebound relationships. They're wondering whether or not this thing is real. One guy said his ex reached out to him while still in the rebound relationship saying that she missed him.
I've been able to break this down for my clients and decipher whether or not it's going to work out with the rebound based on a few different things. First off is their personality type. People who have cluster B personalities, or those who are narcissists or sociopaths, can be excluded from today's discussion because their behavior is so sporadic and unpredictable that this probably won't apply to them. For the rest of the people, I can actually help you guys out and figure out if they're going to come back or not by a few different things. Past experiences, attachment style, and the length of your relationship. Those all play a huge factor in whether or not they're going to come back or not.
I know a lot of coaches right away tell you to go no contact, and that works, but I feel people do it the wrong way. They do it more as a manipulation tactic instead of a way to improve themselves and actually improve their value. When you do go no contact, if you actually follow that advice, it's good advice because the quickest way to get somebody's attention is to remove yours. The way you have to go about doing it is you need to focus on yourself. Focus on improving yourself and your value. Get into your purpose and actually show your ex that you'd be better off without them. You want to give them that impression that you're gonna be better off without them.
Clearly you still have feelings for them if you're reading this blog, but at the end of the day, when you die, it's going to be one name on a tombstone. It's going to be yours and your legacy is what you're going to be leaving behind. When you are so fixated on one relationship and you get yourself off-centered in life, it's going to be to your detriment, so work on yourself.
I never tell people to close the door on that person because I did this. I made the mistake of cutting off communication, removing them from Facebook, and burning bridges, but if you really want that person back, you have to move along as if you're unaffected. As if you’re high value because in your mind you should be thinking that you’re high value in the first place. That whoever will come into your life will be lucky to have you. That's the mindset that you have to think from. The abundance mindset and not the scarcity mindset.
Attachment styles are another way you can tell if they're going to come back or not. For the dismissive, if they're in a rebound relationship, first off kudos to them because they have a hard time forming meaningful bonds with people in the first place because of their past experiences. But they will start to feel your breakup if you've been in a substantial relationship that was a substantial amount of time. They're going to start feeling your breakup regardless and it's going to be later on down the line. It won't be right away like the anxious attacher.
To the anxious attacher they'll feel it right away and then they're able to let go later on down the line, but it's actually the reverse for dismissive. They like to, as a defense and coping mechanism, bury those feelings. They'll probably distract themselves with the rebound person, but they will start to think about you and start missing you later on down the line.
The anxious attacher will be the ones that kind of flaunt the rebound relationship. They'll put it out in your face. They'll post lots of selfies and pictures and stuff with the rebound person on Facebook and Instagram. They'll try to give off the illusion as if they're really happy, but that's actually kind of a form of manipulation. That's what anxious attachers do and in the back of their mind they're thinking that they’re not really posting this because they’re genuinely happy. They’re posting this because they want to flaunt it in front of their ex.
A lot of time it works because a lot of my clients reach out to me because they are struggling with the breakup. They're starting to see their ex in rebound relationships or they've been cut off completely from their ex and they're just really in a panic and spiraling out of control. They are trying to figure out what to do next.
The person with the secure attachment style, now they're gonna be the ones who can remain friends with you afterwards. They're going to be the ones who set clear boundaries. They will share the way they are feeling and where they are mentally. They don’t know if they will get back together because they don't have a crystal ball, but they're going to be the ones that are able to go through the breakup and not get into a rebound relationship. They understand the value of healing themselves and allowing themselves to find themselves again. They allow themselves time to recenter their lives and get back into the things that they were doing before they were in a relationship.
What we tend to do is we lose ourselves in relationships. We become like our partner. We start speaking like them, eating the same things they eat. Maybe poorly. We start even having our schedule revolve around their schedule. It's something that we do subconsciously. We don’t do it on purpose, but especially the anxious attachers, they're the ones that really engulf their partner and become like their clone. They don't want their partner to leave them because of differences they may have.
Whether or not your ex will come back, it's completely up in the air. I say flip a coin on it because you don't know how humans are going to behave. They're way too unpredictable. God gave us free will. When I feel like I have somebody figured out, they'll sometimes throw me a curveball.
The best way to get them back is to continue to work on yourself. Find your purpose because that's what's going to make you get out of the depression and out of that funk that I know you guys are in.