Dating A Dismissive Avoidant

If you're in a relationship with a dismissive avoidant, here are four things that I want you to remember. 

One, you don't have to be their savior. The wounds that they have may not be something that you even caused. So you have to remember that your mental health is just as important as theirs. 

Two, remember their traumas. When you get the information that they may be a dismissive avoidant you’ll want to really understand if this is a dynamic that you can stay in. I'm a firm believer that you want to leave someone's life better than you found it. You don't want to cause more traumas.

Three, expect a pullback. Their subconscious conditioning causes them to go into fight or flight pretty easily. Even if you start to see progress with them, try not to get too comfortable because they'll always go back to their default coping if they're not actively doing work to heal themselves.

Four, be patient. When you see that an avoidant has gone back into their shell, you can't be the little hare bouncing around the shell sticking your head into their shell wanting them to come out. You have to give them the time to come out, but again, if this is a dynamic that you feel is really unhealthy for you, you have every right to move on from that dynamic.