Dismissive Avoidant: How to tell when an avoidant is done for good


In today’s blog we're going to be talking about how to know when a dismissive is done forever. This question has been asked by a ton of people in the community, so I thought this would be a great topic to share.

The very first indication is if you've done no contact for three months, at least, and when you contact that person again they are still cold. They're still distant and they still want nothing to do with you. That is a good sign that they have mentally checked out of this, they've moved on, and they have no more romantic feelings for you.

At this point you should probably move on as well. The last thing I want you to do is to take all this information that you learned about the avoidant person, and put your life on hold for a really long time, and end up struggling down the line. I've seen people a year or two down the line who had been dealing with somebody that they identified as an avoidant person and they weren't able to get over that person.

That goes into the next one I have for you. It's if it's been at least six months and that person hasn't even tried to contact you, they don't like anything on your social media, they don't care about your life, chances are it is done. They don't want anything else to do with you, as far as romantically. They may be friends with you still, but friendship is meant to be communicative and a bond. So if they're not even trying, if they're not even taking any stock or inventory on your life anymore, they're probably not coming back.

The next way that you know that they are probably done forever is if they're in a new relationship and they make that new relationship public. The avoidant person is very private about the things that they do because they don't want a whole lot of people in their business. They don't want to have to explain to people as to why, as to who this person is, and they don't want to have a whole lot of people in their business. If they have taken the steps to make the relationship public, then you know that this thing between you and them is probably done.

You should probably move on yourself, you should probably start dating around and find somebody else yourself. There's a fine line between being well informed and hopeful, and being delusional. Get it in your head it's time to move on. 

If this is something that you're really struggling with, this is what I tell people that I work with that are really struggling years down the line. If you are struggling this long, you most likely need some type of counseling or some type of therapy to uproot some of those issues that you may be having. Usually people are able to push themselves through the breakup process three to six months for every year that they're in a serious relationship with that person. That's the rule, three to six months for you to heal. You see so many people not healing after the breakup, they just go right into the next relationship.

The next way that I was able to figure it out myself, as far as working with a lot of people, is that they were communicating what they didn't like about the relationship before they broke up with you. This means that they have probably checked out of this thing a long time ago. They were telling you things that they didn't like about the relationship. You weren't listening. You were in your own little zone thinking that they're just complaining, but if they were communicating these things and you failed to take heed to what they're saying, they probably moved on a while ago. 

When you heard about the breakup, and when they came to you about it, you were blindsided. It came out of left field for you, but for them no, they have already mulled this thing over. It was done and it would be silly for you to not be able to see those things. What you need to do right away is to go back and reassess the relationship. Think about the things that they were saying. Go back and look at old text messages. Just so you know that this didn't really come out of left field. They were already talking to you about these things.

Those are the reasons why an avoidant person most likely won't come back. They've probably moved on and they're probably thinking about bigger and better options. I hate to say it, but in their mind it is bigger and better options. I think you should move on as well. You could take heed to this or not, but from the people that I've worked with in the past, and in my own personal experience, this is what's likely going on.